So Poopernickel did pizza porn but developed amnesia about it until some dude tried to blackmail her. She’s stupid. For the 50k she offered him she could afford a team of lawyers and a tape recorder to throw his ass in jail for extortion. This should not be hard for her given her reputation as a fierce unwanted enemy. I’m sure she’s faced tougher, uh “challenges” before. Besides, what’s the danger for her? No one is going to be surprised she once played a double-stuffed whore-e-o cookie.
Sandy Cohen is the perfect man; so sensitive, so available, so loving. And yet his frigid bitch wife still manages to register constant resentment on her over-botoxed face. What is her problem? Sandy constantly knocks himself out with these huge gestures of love but she’s still insecure. He sang her a song at their anniversary and fought off a cock-starved ex not to mention funds her skippy lifestyle. She should let go of whatever disappointment she’s fabricated and thank god every day for her marriage, her bank account, and her giant house.
You could almost see the light bulb go off over Marissa’s head after the pink laundry. Hmmmmm, pretty girls can either have men take care of them their whole lives or slum it up with whitetrash lesbians. What should she choose? In an analysis similar to the Sandy one above, what is her problem? Look at Ryan. Look at him! Stop punishing your slut mom and get back in that tent. See how long you can go without him blurting out, “Oh, Lindsey.”
That bar tender is banged out. Don’t tell me she’s bummed because her relationship is going sour. Oh boo-hoo-hoo. Just move the buffet along, princess. And since she’s into dudes and chicks she’s good for twice the passin’. “Pink is the new black.” Whatever. Purple streaks are the new red flags warning, “Danger! Dead end ahead! Watch for falling self-esteem.” I have to admit her expression was priceless when she realized Marissa wasn’t doing laundry at her mom’s. (She just did laundry, dumbass. Remember the pink stuff?) You could read her thoughts and they said, “Boy, I could sure use a Pabst Blue Ribbon right about now… and a dick.”
Summer can pinky-swear all she wants and she’ll still be dumb as hell. That postcard should have read, “Having a great time NOT losing my virginity here in Italy.” Summer grabbed the big V from Seth last season and she was all ready to take another guy’s last week. She’s good for picking cherries but not much else. Seth would like a smart girl. Seth would be into a girl that likes obscure rock and edgy literature, not one whose dream is to wake up in a mall. He may be nerdy and neurotic but she’s vapid. I wish he would take her out on his stupid boat with her namesake and do a talented-Mr.-Ripley to her.
Even that horrible father guy is growing a soul. So the men on The OC are kind and handsome while the women are lamentable train wrecks. (Sexist writers in my TV, say it aint so.) Ladies, please burn the pizza porn, keep your ring on, lose the pissy face, drop the lesbian act, and pinky-swear to me that you’ll kill yourself.
Can’t wait for next week.
I don;t think you should judge Kirsten so harshly...keep in mind Sandy skipped out on Valentine's Day dinner with her to go see an ex-girlfriend. Not to mention that in one episode he and the ex-girlfrind shared a kiss. The only reason Sandy has to keep making all the romantic gestures is because he is trying to make up for mistakes he knows he made. Don't get me wrong, I think Sandy's great, but a couple of times during the past few episodes I thought his priorities became slightly misaligned.
Posted by: Katherine | March 11, 2005 at 02:26 PM
Kirsten should have kept that ring hidden for a few more days and worn the plastic ring, and then planted the real ring somewhere for Sandy to find. He spent all night winning her that ring! The drop percentages on them are really low!
Also Marissa is the worst and I want her to get her leg caught in a cougar trap.
Posted by: David Ely | March 11, 2005 at 02:37 PM