The O.C. isn’t Math class. Still, I wish I had taken notes on tonight’s episode to keep track of all the double entendres. I lost count after Marissa handed over the teapot and…
Ryan, “Guess I better take it in the back and tag it.”
My two favorite punching bags were MIA this week. In mere days Alex broke her lease, quit her job at the bar, and was eating grits at her parent’s “house.” Marissa sure did miss her old muff buddy… wait, what am I thinking. I feel sorry for Marissa. All that grueling work playing gay to hurt her mother was outdone by 30 seconds of tape. Speaking of Poopernickel, she fled to Paris to escape her so called scandal. Little did Poopnik know a much larger scandal was breaking out in Newport.
Did you see it? It was quick but I promise you it happened because I saw it flash on the screen twice. Somehow, someway a BLACK person made it into the O.C. It was bound to happen some time. Never do any of the kids have black students in the background at their school. Sandy doesn’t have black clients. There weren’t even black people at Trey’s studbunny jail. But there was definitely a black dude sitting at that auction. I don’t know if he wore some sort of mask to get by the guards or crawled across the ceiling like a ninja but he got in there. However it happened I guarantee you some member of the casting staff in charge of extras was bludgeoned by a producer.
News must have gotten back to our little Parisian porn star about the breech of whiteness because she felt safe enough to come back early. And just in time too, Marissa and Ryan were about to start a family of uber hot demon children. Now, Marissa is grown up enough to move in with her was-bian two-week stand but dear god she cannot stay in a mansion by herself. What if the help gang up on her? She couldn’t just go stay with Summer whom she spends the night with all the time. She just had to go stay in the same house with her ex-boyfriend. There was simply nothing else Marissa could do.
I’ve decided Seth is the conscience of the show. You know certain things are going to happen and Seth overtly wags his finger and warns of approaching predictable plotlines. But do Ryan and Marissa listen? Noooooooooo. They just have to “not sleep” and get “thirsty.” Oops, Marissa can’t lock her door when she’s changing as a guest in someone’s home. Oops, fancy meeting you hear, in the early morning, while everyone’s asleep, and can’t hear us, and we’re in our pajamas, and used to do each other. There was simply nothing else Marissa could do.
I like how they are setting up a Trey-Ryan-Marissa love salad. Why wouldn’t Marissa jump at Trey? He’s cute and more than a bit queer, just like Ryan. He milks the bad boy attitude, just like Ryan. And he’s an ex-con which isn’t as matricidal as a white trash lesbian but a damn close second. Bonus: she gets to hurt Ryan again. Trey is perfect for her!
Speaking of perfect men, did anyone else hear the reference to Sandy Cohen being like a superhero? Wonder where they got that idea from? I thought it was so sad though when The Brows said he didn’t have any friends. His new best buddy is the guy who admitted to wanting to bang his wife last episode. But maybe that’s subconsciously why they’re becoming such good friends. If I were Sandy I’d want to pass that bag of hell too.
Seth’s got a new best friend also. Every nerd needs a big smiling virgin wookie to pal around with. And not a moment too soon as Summer has developed homicidal rage all of the sudden. Her violent tendencies must be why neither guy was brave enough to tell her that a comic book wasn’t what caused the conflict between the three of them. It was her indecisive man-eating vagina. When it comes to his own relationships, Seth ceases to be the show’s conscious. If he were a real friend he would sit the big ape down over a milkshake with two straws and say, “Zack, you’re sweet so I’m going to spell something out for you gently. When you’re getting rid of your comic books because your mother says she wants you to “grow up,” she’s speaking euphemistically. I think you know what you need to do.”
On a final note, what the fuck kind of word is, “Noopsy?”
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