If last week was depressing, this week was equal parts funny and sweet. Can you believe all that happened; the well orchestrated prom rescues, the return of Ryan’s sperm reciprocal, and the damn 3.8 score the French judge gave Cal’s dive. Let’s get to it. You’re not going to seduce me out of this review.
Cal, “Julie… Ju… Julie… Juh… Juh… Ju… J… J…”
Kirsten’s got a problem. She may like her chardonnay but she’s not going to die alone. That’s a great thing to scream at your dad just before he dies, Ki Ki. And if she keeps putting Sandy through hell, she may get both. I hate to admit how much I love the aw-fuck moment when Kirsten learns Dad’s dead and just grabs the vodka. Chug it straight, bitch. There has to be an end to Sandy’s patience and his creepy comment about feeling like her dad may be a precursor. Kudos to the writers though. Not only did Kirsten get in the die alone shot before he did, sort of, die alone. But Sandy got to say he felt like her dad seconds before finding out Daddy kicked it. Priceless. If he already feels like her father then why the hell doesn’t Sandy just backhand her? It would be more efficient.
Ooooooooh, Poopernickel. Call before you come I need to shave my cho-cha. Still my favorite character and now a hell of a lot richer. Looks like Cal won’t be timely filing those papers cuz there aint no clerk’s office in hell, suckah. I’m glad she decided not to kill him, or sedate him, or give him a mega-viagra-bone and fuck him till next Monday. Whatever she was planning on doing with those pills it was the wrong way. And she really did love him which makes her less of a whore but really, do you care? That bitch is set. Unless of course Kirsten challenges her for Daddy’s will. She could spend a lot on her best friends Jim and Jack with Pa’s money. But from the looks of the season finale, she will be much too busy spiraling out of control.
Summer has really leveled up with me. She squeezed out the choice lines last night. Her best was whether to take ‘nerd boy’ or ‘ass clown’ to the prom. Ass clown?! That will be repeated. I love the way she played the two of them. I loved her resolve. She just seemed a lot cooler last night. (I just joined Anakin on the dark side and I didn’t get to bang Abudallah.) Her face was obvious when Zack got out of the limo because she really did want Seth. But I can’t support Seth’s preoccupation with her at the expense of meeting with that Star Wars guy – what’s his name again? I’ve only worshiped his movies since I was a fetus. I’m a big nerd and my middle name is Seth so I’ve always identified with that lovable geek but I wish I could talk some sense into that curly head. And yet, I’m a sap. I liked the way Seth rescued her. I’m not too much of a sap because I also liked the way some guy at the prom yelled ‘Tool!’ after Seth’s jester speech. I wonder if later that night Zack sat on his bed and realized Seth got to meet G.L. AND ravage Summer while he found himself all alone once again. Dammit! How does this keep happening? It used to be a moral choice but now, god, it’s a cruel joke.
Who that is? My baby momma! I’m glad that coincidence came to convince Ryan not to believe Trey. She was like a baby-making angel that appeared providentially. But why does Trey still get a pass? Pardon me while I grandstand but I have to criticize the OC for sending the message to young girls that if a guy tries to rape you it’s best to keep it to yourself. Wouldn’t want to make things messy. Even if no one believed her I would prefer Marissa have the dignity of disclosure. I did feel sorry for her. Her nasty manipulative ways didn’t earn her a near beachrape and the near loss of her boyfriend. And no matter how cheesy and contrived it was, I enjoyed Ryan’s rescue too. He was just in time. I just wished they’d shown more of that damn baby. If Jr. really is looking more and more like his daddy everyday then work that BILF people.
Looking ahead, have we finally seen the last of the Bushtwin and Big Brother? Seriously dude, just go away. You cause nothing but trouble and you can’t be trusted and you’re not that cute. Well, ok, two out of three. The season finale promises visits from old friends, a total Ki Ki meltdown, and some really sweet sunglasses. Once again, Ryan is back with Marissa, Seth is back with Summer, Kirsten’s life is rough and Pooper’s life is set. Things are as I want them in Orange County. But what goes up…
Zack, just sell it on Ebay honey.
Gabe, I think that reading your week in reviews is starting to become more amusing than actually watching the show. ;)
Posted by: Catherine | May 13, 2005 at 01:03 PM
Catherine, many thanks!
Posted by: Ediblemouse (me) | May 13, 2005 at 02:00 PM
Haley and Jimmy in the previews = me TOTALLY EXCITED!!!!! I wonder if Ryan's other ex/Caleb's daughter will be at the funeral?
In other news, I didn't think it was ever confirmed that Ryan is actually the baby's father. Theresa was also shacking up with Eddie the Abuser at the time, so it could be anybody's baby.
This show has me on a rollercoaster right now. I will say this: the "sweet" moments last night did not tug at my hearstrings like they used to.... am I now an OC Cynic?
Posted by: Novak | May 13, 2005 at 03:30 PM
The people heckling Seth was totally my favorite part. There's a good recurring schtick about that in "Not Another Teen Movie".
Posted by: David Ely | May 13, 2005 at 04:21 PM
Novak, it was heavily implied that was his kid. For starters, she did everything she could to keep Ryan from coming in the house. What, to block some other guy's kid from being seen. And she was pregnant when she left town and claimed it was his. Yes, it's possible it was Smackmybitchup's but I thought they were trying to convince us otherwise. This is either the lead up to Ryan finding out or a dirty OC trick. If it's a trick I bet Trey's behind it.
Posted by: Gabriel | May 14, 2005 at 05:41 AM