Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to mourn the loss of the second season of the O.C. In honor of this occasion I thought it would be appropriate to take a moment to say some kind words. Who am I kidding? All this year I’ve tried to be a different person. Not any more. I’m going to settle this with Season 2 once and for all.
Seth “Mom has a drinking problem. The intervention is this afternoon. Plan accordingly.”
What frat is Kirsten a member of because, damn, she knows how to throw down. I think she won the case race. Sandy tried to slow her but she was FINE! Summer tried to feed her but she was FINE! Maybe Summer noticed Kirsten’s sloppy drunkenness or maybe she was frightened by Kirsten’s taught, ever-thinning face. Lately Kirsten’s cheekbones have been in a deathmatch with Sandy’s brows for prominence. I was impressed by her ability to hold her marathon chain of vodka straight up. A lesser woman would have vomited and pissed her little black dress. But she kept everything inside her. And forget those awesome sunglasses, Kirsten had the funeral style hands down. Nothing accessorizes emotional fragility like a half drunk Absolut bottle. That bitch is FINE!
And how did Seth not pick up on Mom’s drinking problem? That’s not Listerine and Chanel No. 5, sweetie. Maybe it’s because people who like their Chardonnay tend to be a little less uptight. Or maybe because she’s the most unmotherly mom on television. Rosanne was more nurturing. The scene between Sandy and Seth was touching though. The intervention – not so much. “Don’t even, I let you into this house.” Ouch, way harsh to poor Ryan. Is there some clinic they can lock her in to work through her spoiled bitchery because I think we need to reexamine our priorities. I’m just sayin…
Oh shit, who’s running Newport’s hottest regional magazine? Julie’s fired, Carter fled, Kirsten’s detained and Cal’s dead. And all I can think about at a time like this is Ryan in the pool. We’re doomed.
The Cooper clan is making a comeback! Minus, mysteriously, one daughter. I guess they keep Caitlin in the attic these days. You know how it is… ugly sister, pretty town, yada yada. I’m sad because now that she’s back with Jimmy I can’t call Julie ‘Poopernickel’ anymore. I feel like a part of me just died. I know there are some good “Jimmy” in “Pooper” lines out there somewhere and I just need to look toward the horizon to move on. My girl wasted no time in finding a new buyer though. When faced with sudden failure in your business model it is best to fall back on previously loyal clientele.
Also of note is what wasn’t in the season finale; no Reed, no graphic novel and no Zack to be found. I wonder with the fighting if they’re just going to let that die or will the subplot resurrect in Season 3? Water polo players are so not nice that they don’t even go to funerals. Are we to assume post-prom that Seth won? Looks that way. Then may I also assume poor lonely Zack was once again at home crying and masturbating to his Wilson Phillips CDs because I really like that image. Hold on for one more day, Zack. Hold on for one more day.
And finally, there’s the end. Newsweek promised a cliff hanger and we all knew from the previews it had something to do with Trey and a gun. But who would have thought it would be Marissa bustin’ a cap. Come on, who would have thought scrawny Trey could pin and strangle beefy little brother. Ryan’s monotone reaction to the beachrape revelations was disappointing. I was hoping for more green skin and torn clothing. Throwing a car would have been nice. Trey was bad news since he first got out of Tiger Beat jail which had to lead to something. I just wonder how they’re going to handle this next season. Is Trey dead? Will Marissa be charged with murder? And will Caitlin be unshackled to stand trial substitute style? A boy can dream.
I won’t even try to make predictions. Season 3 may start with Kirsten coming home and making amends but that would move the plot months after Marissa’s manslaughtering and I’d prefer they pick up right where they left off. The good news is, Captain Oats and Princess Sparkle are finally together and Kirsten is facing some well-deserved routine cavity searches. The only dilemma left in Newport isn’t what Marissa should do after channeling Lady of Rage but whether or not to review reruns.
Oh! Oh! Oh! Too good to be true!
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Posted by: Munibrow | June 01, 2005 at 02:05 AM