THE O.C. WEEK IN REVIEW 9.8.05

After roughly three long months my sore, blue, teen-drama balls have been emptied and my lust for angst has been satisfied.  Like a bullet from Coops’ magnum shredding through Trey’s back my tension has been released and my anticipation relieved all over the TV screen.  People in this town talk and they don’t care about the details.  All they care about is that I shot someone.   

Pooper*  “Does this look like something the mother of an innocent girl might wear?”

Well no, Poopsie, but I’ve seen clap bags with better shoes.  What was she wearing on the way to smother Trey?  Hey, I’m a gold-digger but I keeps it real in my pink Candies™.  Poor Pooper has dropped a couple notches in my favorite character rankings after the threat induced testimony by Trey.  Not that I care if Trey is deprived of oxygen but Ryan deserves better.  With the near cocktail slaying of Caleb and the not quite smothering of Trey, Pooper has the best of intentions with her murderous proclivities… she just needs to work on her follow through.    

Of course, for every villainous grieving widow there’s a heroic jack-of-all-trades attorney to fix it all.  And poor Jimmy is caught in the crosshairs.  If the previews are suggesting what I think they are then Jimmy is planning a third degree mining of Caleb’s wealth by pulling a ring on Pooper.  It is sad Sandy had to confront him that way after going to so much trouble to be in denial about Jimmy’s feelings for his wife and bagging little sis as an obvious consolation prize. 

Speaking of the Mrs., first Kirsten fights like a hellcat to stay out of rehab.  Now she doesn’t want to come home.  The hot Borg has assimilated her.  I’m not sure what the Borg’s intentions are but something’s cooking in those half human eyes.  She stared at Sandy like she wanted to yoink Ki Ki’s man but then she stared at poor Kirsten like she wanted to bed her – or eat her.  If Borg’s endeavors are in fact sexual in nature she better activate the heat ray because that is one frigid alcoholic.  Daddy isn’t the only thing she’s not good enough for. 

Of course Kirsten seems oblivious to the happenings outside rehab and it’s just as well.  There’s nothing a recovering alcoholic needs more than shootings and arrest warrants.  She’d be rummaging for the vanilla extract in no time if she knew what psuedo-son and co. were up to.  Of course, I was craving a little cough syrup myself while enduring some of the background music they used to punctuate the emotional moments.  Was that Enya?  Come on, O.C., you’re better than that.  At least Kirsten can take comfort knowing Haley didn’t sleep with that creepy English teacher.   

Sail away, sail away, sail away.  You’re right, Summer.  The week before your senior year in high school is your last chance to have fun.  Four years of college is just a big snooze fest for academically mediocre and critically wealthy pretty girls like yourself.  My eyes did stop rolling enough to think the beach scene was kind of sweet. And Seth just yanked at my heart strings with that sea-men comment.  Ahhh, that boy. 

And poor Ryan.  He’s been through so much and then he’s back in the blue jumpsuit again.  It’s comforting to know that all his troubles seem to end with he and Marissa back at the designated hump fortress.  I wonder if the lifeguard that works in that tower ever shows up the next morning and exclaims, “ew, again?!”  At least Trey is on a good riddance bus out of town.  He didn’t escape from the hospital. Pulling tubes out of the uninsured is part and parcel of the American healthcare system.   

In many ways, this much anticipated first episode of the third season was more like the last episode of the second.  Storylines and cliffhangers from last year were tied up nicely as new twists and turns were hinted at with the type of head bashing subtlety only an adolescent Fox soap could deliver.  The Borg has its tractor beam targeted on Kirsten and Jimmy wants to beat Pooper at her own game.  It’s looking saucy in SoCo.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a dream sequence to get to.  Ryan needs a hug. 

Comments

[Catherine]

Nice, Gabe! Glad you're back for season 3. I was waiting. :)

[Hilary]

Actually, they were purple Candies, not pink. And, I'm a bit confused, I thought you were a lady and didn't have testicleese.