The latest news from the battlefront is grim. Elf deaths have now passed 2000 as they’re forced to the outer edges of cities in what can only be interpreted as retreat. From his undisclosed location, baby Jesus is meeting with his top generals and is said to be weighing heavily the nuclear option. And while much of the mainstream media is precluded from showing the most violent images of conflict, pictures of Donner and Blitzen face down in the mud have spread across the internet weakening resolve and lowering morale. One can only hope wise men from the East arrive soon. All this destruction and for what - the senseless war on Christmas.
Of course, the War on Christmas is make believe. There is no increase in cultural sensitivity this year that hasn’t been around for quite some time. Cable “news” and other outlets fabricated this war on their own. Just as children around the age of 5 start to figure out there really is no big fat man in a red suit delivering toys around the world, we here in adulthood need to come to grips with other holiday mythologies.
It can be difficult not to believe the War on Christmas poses a clear and present danger. Two thirds of all evening programming on FOX News now deals with this “war.” “Christian” news sources such as Agape Press and World News Daily flood their sites daily with increasingly sensationalist stories like imbedded war zone reporters bringing all that care to be aware the awful truth. Why? Because these are hard line conservative “news” outlets and real news isn’t too favorable to the current heroes of conservatism.
If FOX News and company were forced to report real news they would have to comment on the President’s low approval rating. They would have to note the sea change in public opinion on their much trumpeted war in Iraq. They would have to revisit the mess in New Orleans and engage in the ongoing discussion on torture. There are real issues in the world. Unfortunately, a lot of those issues put their guy in office in a bad light and hurt their guys in Congress next November. So what does one do when real news threatens their political agenda? Why, generate some fake news complete with manufactured threat, feined outrage, and good old motivating fear.
The more the conservative “press” hammers the idea that Christmas is somehow being taken away from America the less they have to talk about substantive, albeit embarrassing, stories. The so-called “War on Christmas” is nothing new. I remember debate when I was growing up over including specific Jesus references in school concerts and what to write on the cards going out to conservative Jewish relatives. I imagine such considerations predate my childhood. They are only being highlighted relentlessly now because real news is icky and the religious right – like the demanding fat kid on Christmas morning – has been given everything it wants lately prompting only increased demands.
Of note is also the innate hypocrisy behind the warriors for Christmas. Every single night Bill O’Reilly does at least one segment about the effort to strip Christ from Christmas. Christ becomes less of a concern when he’s forcing subordinates to engage in phone sex. Rush Limbaugh blusters endlessly about the removal of Christ from culture. He has yet to specify how Christ was included in his maid’s midnight runs to parking lots to fetch him more prescription pain killers. And the 4-Stars-of-the-East General of the Christmas wars, Jerry Falwell, has publicized his friend and foe list. The list of political enemies now includes retailers and schools who do not sufficiently pay homage to Christ this time of year. And what better way to honor Jesus on his birthday than to act in the exact opposite way of what he taught. Remember, that was the guy who spent his earthly years preaching forgiveness, peace, communion with the unclean? Does that ring a bell, Jerry? I believe publishing a hit-list of political adversaries is the antithesis of Christ honoring behavior.
Now for the punch line of the sad but true joke: These soldiers for Christ really aren’t concerned with Christian teachings or the state of the world. They are mainly just concerned with grabbing and keeping power. FOX news loves to boast of their efforts to force retail chains to change their store displays to acknowledge Christmas. And if you think sex boosts ratings, try whipping up some religious tinged panic on sweeps week. Jerry Falwell has made a career and quite a sizable fortune off fear and loathing for all people existing outside the girth of his waist. And Rush Limbaugh is crazy beyond commentary.
There is no War on Christmas. People are still honoring their religious traditions in their homes and lives the way they usually do. Shopping is up this year. Churches will still hold services. And polite people will decide for themselves what holiday greeting to include on their cards, thank you very much. The saddest thing is that nasty, partisan, political confrontation over storefront semantics distracts from notions of community and family that make the holiday special. If Christmas was too tainted with commercialism before, boycotting and bickering doesn’t help. So I’ll close with a wish for peace; peace in both real war torn areas around the world and in the made up constructs of paranoid minds.
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