I have been thinking much lately about what it means to live by one’s own principles, ethics, and morals. Some months ago a woman insulted my belief system and since then I have been mulling this topic. Without being too specific, her basic claim was that I lacked morals because I did not ascribe to a specific faith teaching or group identity. Since the purpose of faith and faith-based group identity was to provide moral guidance she concluded that I was essentially a moral vacuum due to my rejection of faith signifiers.
Being the over thinker that I am this has made me more determined to figure out for myself just what I am. It is no one’s business but my own but I know I have spent years and a lot of energy shaping a definition of what I am not. I am not my mother’s fundamentalism. I am not my father’s ignorance or a member of my former church. I am opposed to this expression of faith and those spokespeople for it. Separating one’s self from the specifics of one’s upbringing is useful, even essential in some cases, but it is ultimately empty if there is not a corresponding effort to shape the is in the absence of the is not.
I do have morals regardless of what that woman says. I should not let her words bother me so much. She has her own frame of reference and I have mine. But it is still a valuable exercise to examine what my morals are. One principle that I have always adhered to for years and years is that there are certain things about individuals that you just do not ridicule. Among these are one’s religion and taste in art/music. I often read unfair coverage of Muslims or see Bill Donahue speak for all Catholics and actively restrain myself from participating in condescension. The mistake I made with this woman was that I insulted, indirectly, her faith identity. I felt that since she disrespected my belief system I could disrespect hers. All this did was lend credibility to her misconceptions.
If one is really to live by their own principles those principles have to be consistent regardless of circumstances. If I have a principle not to insult another’s faith then I have to adhere to that whether they insult mine or not. In my mind, I justified my criticism because she insulted me and her faith was inconsistent. She was quite a believer when it was time to pass moral judgment on others but in her own life she was not all that consistent and frequently violated even the most basic teachings of the faith community in which she claimed membership. She was a more personally hurtful version of the students that suddenly become orthodox Jewish, devout Catholic, or strictly observant Muslim when an exam falls on a religious holiday.
By breaking my own principle in making fun of her faith identity – the expression I found quite hypocritical – I was being just as bad as that which I ridiculed. The person who individually defines their own morals and ethics rather than claim to receive them prepackaged from a faith has to be that much more consistent. I have to examine what my morals really are and why. Do they come from irrational fears or the desire to reduce harm to others? Am I motivated by selfishness or self-aggrandizement? Are the principles I live by logically consistent or contradictory?
Here is an example of one small snippet of my own guidelines. I do not eat meat or white bread. I do not drink alcoholic beverages, soft drinks, smoke anything or use recreational drugs. These are strict rules I have followed for years and years. I’ve been a strict vegetarian for over a decade for my health, the effect of corporate farming on the environment, the abuse of workers in the meat processing industry, and the abuse of animals in common practices. I take this standard very seriously. However, I would never expect anyone else I know not to eat meat, drink alcohol, give up soda, etc.
To me expecting that of others is like expecting them to get the benefit from my prescriptions lenses. They have a different vision than I do so my glasses wouldn’t work on them. My principles come from the specifics of my life. They come from what I have experienced and what I hope to experience. They come from thoughts about the effect I want to have on my inner being and the way I want to interact with the world. They are custom tailored to my perceptions and history and always subject to review. To the moral universalistic people out there and the one-size-fits-all, group-think “faith” adherents this personalized method for determining ethics is quite frightening – almost as frightening as their conformity based dogma is to me.
I would like to think that I am a work in progress and will be until the day I die. I would like to think that life experiences are teaching me how to treat people better and live a more principled existence. And whether I would like to think it or not I have to realize I have a long way to go. As I sit here I notice my cell phone charger has been plugged in with no phone attached, just wasting energy. So much for my environmentalism...
Simply signing on to be a member of the club with one or another faith identity is not enough for me. But I have concluded recently that if I am going to go the lonely route of personal discovery I need to do so with the intentions of accepting and embracing rather than dividing and rejecting. There is something scary about the process of really figuring out what you are. But, it is fortifying when someone else wants to label you as something you know you are not.