(Archive Feb. 2003)
A couple months ago the law firm where I work told me I was about to get the axe. It was in a meeting just before Christmas with one of the partners and a paralegal coordinator. A few flimsy explanations were offered including such cryptic descriptions as lacking knowledge of work performed, somehow suggesting I don’t know what I’m doing, and other far leftfield justifications. Basically there was no good reason. We merged with another firm last year and since then have been restructuring and shaving duplicate positions from partners in similar practice areas to general break-room guys with no specific job description. I work hard, bill high, politic well, and do know what I’m doing but somehow on some new business model flow chart designed for efficiency and ease of transition there was no longer a box for me. The meeting catalyzed discussion between the partner and me that was – searching for euphemism – aggressive. I wanted an explanation. I’ve given a lot to this position and I need the job. The economy is still a mess with unemployment always being the last thing pulled into recovery. I was under the naïve, post college impression that people lost their jobs in the professional world because of some deficiency in performance. Through my exchanges with the partner I revealed the unfairness of it all and it worked well enough for him to keep me through the first quarter. Basically, I had three months warning.
This sudden and shocking news sent me into action. I began an immediate mission for a new job. I used the web sites. I used the newspaper. I subscribed to various employment rags specific to fields of interest. I contacted every alumni or friend in the area to let them know I was looking and shot them each a resume in an attempt to network. I set up a project table in my apartment designated for the hunt. I bought the special watermarked bond paper, envelopes, stamps, thank you cards and embossed stationery necessary for an all out mail blitz on DC. As the past two months passed I have become a one-man factory of mailed, faxed, and e-mailed resumes. I have followed up with phone calls and e-mails to a degree even I think might be excessive or pushy.
The Post printed a statistic a few weeks ago. It claimed that within two weeks of placing an ad for employment in their paper the average employer received 2000 replies. On average! That means some received more. The post also reported firms bringing in temporary help just to sort the mail from these ads. It seemed nearly impossible to make myself stand out short of uncomfortable forwardness. So, lately I have stepped outside my comfort zone and been uncomfortably forward in my pursuits. On jobs of particular interest I have solicited a courier service to personally visit the potential employer, place the application package in the hand of its intended recipient, and required a receipt signature. The courier then calls me to confirm delivery and I immediately call the employer and begin with, “You just received my resume…” Let’s see 2000 people do that.
The whole machinery now has grown. My frustration led me to try to work through employment placement agencies. I now have six headhunters from five different agencies and I told each one about the others in order to spark some competition. I think a headhunter will try to sell me faster if he or she knows there are others who may get it done first. The initial meeting with a headhunter is followed with a thank you card. These are not the hallmark variety. These are the professional ones that look sort of like business cards. Upon getting me my first interview with an actual employer the headhunter receives flowers if it’s a she and a small goody basket if it’s a he. This is to let them know that although they have many clients they are to pay attention to me. I overtly state that in kinder words on the accompanying card. I have not yet thought of the gratitude gift for the headhunter who actually helps me land a job but I’m hoping it doesn’t involve me wearing some sort of costume.
This week I had three real interviews with employers that seem to like me. I think the chances are good that one will make me an offer soon and my mission will be complete. The whole process has me thinking a lot about the concept of selling ones self. Basically that’s what I’ve been doing. The headhunters are my ad agency, the couriers my direct mailers, and watermarked bond paper is my media. Ultimately I am the manufacturer of an image of self that I am trying to convince someone to purchase for use. And the speed and degree to which I am successful with the sale is dependent upon its promotion.
I have been wondering lately if self-promotion is the only really necessary ingredient for success. I’m applying for graduate schools now too and the animal is less intense but the same. Perception is reality and in the end it doesn’t really matter how smart or how hard working I am it matters how smart and hard working you think I am. Although success is very relative and independently defined by each seeker this paradigm seems to be universal in every defection. We all know about musicians who are lacking in talent and creativity but remain at the top of the charts because of good image marketing or an ability to cause enough controversy to stay in the headlines. The cartoon character on the outside of the box often outweighs the taste or nutritional content of the cereal. This is true commercially and it’s true throughout life. The guy who gets the girl, the kid who gets into Harvard, the author that gets published, the hooker Hugh chooses all execute a successful sale that may or may not be related to their individual merits.
In interviewing I have to keep eye contact. I have to give a firm handshake and I have to wear certain contrasting colors in order to maximize the impression of professionalism. Does any of this matter in my performance should I actually get the job? I could know nothing about law or be a jerk to work with but my red tie with a white shirt and black suit tells you I mean business. The kid in the blue suit – he’ll show up late and rob you blind! Don’t even think about what the guy with the weak handshake might do to you. The hard sell is an inauthentic and unreliable means to an end but you better be good at it. You can be dumb, lazy, tardy, and mean or smart, honest, helpful, and kind but if you can’t market yourself you’re hung on the clearance rack.
Despite my enthusiastic participation in it I have a visceral distaste for the sell. The whole process is sort of dishonest. Although I’ve never lied in an interview or on my resume I never convey what I actually want. Interviewers always ask the same questions. Why do you want this job? What can you bring to the firm? What type of office environment do you seek? There’s honesty and then there’s honesty. I want to click around on the Internet for a few hours and then go home and get paid an obscene sum for it. I want the type of office environment where people pretty much leave you alone to get your work done and don’t dress like they’ve been asleep since 83. A fresh harem of virgins around my desk each Monday would be nice. Acceptable answers to these questions involve challenging myself and teamwork. Honest answers involve money.
I need a new job and I’m going to get a new job. My new job will hopefully have fewer hours, better pay and be a general improvement over the last. Losing my current position has made me question myself a bit. I had seen others lost in waves of layoffs and furious attorneys and surviving these tempests gave me a sense of pride. Now that I’m on the receiving end I’ve wondered if there is some professional deficiency in me. In many ways I may not have just been searching for a new job but reassurance. Recent developments in the hunt have provided such reassurance not in the job found but in revelations about the sell itself. If anything, I can promote myself. Regardless of what talents I may or may not have I can get your attention. As I said before, I think that may be the only one universal ingredient for success. I am reassured because I’m good at the sell or at least I recognize its importance.
Once I get a new job the selling won’t stop. I want to start acting again. I want to continue my education. I want more friends and I want to keep whatever new position I get. I want success as I define it. No doubt I will probably go after these wants with the same ferocious marketing principles. We’re all products in one way or another and I intend to close a lot of deals. Through it all I hope I will keep in mind that what’s real, true, or important in life doesn’t involve direct mail campaigns or slick prepared answers to questions. It involves me being me, you being you, and the possibility of connection. In the meantime, there are expectations and I have to eat. Sell. Sell. Sell. Sell. Sell. Sell.
